![\"Signed,](\"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/signature.jpg\")
\nNote: Image is “Vintage Seal 3” by (Krzysztof (Kriss) Szkurlatowski) from SXC.hu edited by Josie<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Moving on.
\n I am getting the itch to move on lately.
\n Not from Mark, he’s my world. Let’s just dispel THAT<\/B> rumor before it begins.
\n But I am increasingly dissatisfied with my present situation and that leads to feelings of itchy feet and longing for change. Which is hilarious for me because my Taurus-ness seems to preclude a desire for change and in fact, seems to insist upon as little change as possible. I adore routine. I hate uncertainty. Change is anathema to my sanity.
\n Yet… here I am.
\n I think it is primarily my job. I can’t even say career. This definitely isn’t a career in the standard definition. I am not “called” to this work. There is nothing I create, there is nothing I do to help anyone or improve the world, there is little I say that matters to anyone. I push digital paper to help an evil empire own just a skosh more of the world from day-to-day. I answer (often idiotic) technical questions to provide support on basic things that people making three or four or TEN times what I make should probably already know.
\n I wanted to be a teacher when I was young. But as I grew, the reality of dealing with bratty post-millennium children and their ADHD-iPad-staring-anti-intelligence-meme-sharing-entitled asses made me sick. Plus, I learned from other people who went into the field about all the politics involved in modern public schools in America. All I can say about it is a resounding FUCK THAT.
\n I wanted to be a nurse for awhile. But as much as I’d like to make a difference in someone’s life, blood and pus and poop and vomit and wounds and oh my GOD, I couldn’t. I couldn’t.
\n I wanted to work in television or movies, but primarily as a writer. I am not moving to Hell-A (yeah, LA, I know) or New York, I am terrible at networking and selling myself, and I am not great (yet totally amazing) at deadlines.
\n There were other things that occurred to me at times. I wanted to be a veterinarian or a professional dog trainer\/breeder. I wanted to be an astronaut or a research scientist. I wanted to be a choreographer (back before I learned that I have no rhythm and am a total klutz).
\n All I really want to do is write. I feel like I can contribute meaningful words to the American Literary tapestry. Still, making that into a full-time career, one that pays my rent, seems like an unassailable obstacle. Freelancing means spending all my time writing about things that pay the bills (i.e. click-bait articles and faux journalism for craptastic internet content aggregators) and tons of accepting mere pennies for my hard work. I suppose there are other gigs available, but I have rarely felt like my writing (aside from my fiction) is good enough to publish.
\n But if that writing isn’t good enough, is any of my work good enough?
\n Do I have any talent at all?
\n Should I keep writing? Well, duh. Writing is in my blood; it is what I do, it is who I am. But that doesn’t mean I will ever make a career of it or even a single penny of income from it.
\n Maybe that’s okay. Maybe not everyone who loves writing is destined to be the next Stephen King\/JK Rowling\/GRRM. Maybe I’m not destined even to be Melanie Rawn or Kate Elliot.
\n But I am destined to keep writing, even if I am the only one who reads and loves my characters.
\n Still, the whole point of this blog was that I feel like it is time for a change. Since I like our home, I love my husband, and I adore our puppy – the job\/career thing seems to be the sticking point for my dissatisfaction. Thus… a change.
\n Now I just gotta figure out what I actually want to do with the years that remain to me; how can I better the world, even if its just my own tiny corner?
\n Should I write?
\n Should I publish?
\n Is that a valid life choice?
\n Certainly, working this third shift job isn’t going to last forever. Or, more accurately, I won’t last forever working this job.
\n BLARGH… more rambling another night.
\n If you actually read this, btw, and you have advice – please comment. Share with me yon wisdom, for I haveth so little of mine own. Speaketh! Hark! Et cetera.
\n
<\/p>\n
\nNote: Image is “Vintage Seal 3” by (Krzysztof (Kriss) Szkurlatowski) from SXC.hu edited by Josie<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Moving on. I am getting the itch to move on lately. Not from Mark, he’s my world. Let’s just dispel THAT rumor before it begins. But I am increasingly dissatisfied with my present situation and that leads to feelings of itchy feet and… <\/p>\n