{"id":1498,"date":"2016-02-25T05:20:48","date_gmt":"2016-02-25T09:20:48","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/?p=1498"},"modified":"2016-02-21T17:05:16","modified_gmt":"2016-02-21T21:05:16","slug":"placeholder-25-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/2016\/02\/placeholder-25-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Pensive Moments"},"content":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; This post may seem as if it is just another meme, but it really is not. About a year ago, I posted on Facebook that I was having an existential crisis (again) as I tried to figure out what I really want to do with my life.<br \/>\n&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; As you can tell by several recent posts here, I still have not uncovered my calling or at least I have not made any steps toward deciding and <b>doing<\/b> something about it. But what I did do was see that list of questions to ponder and start pondering them&#8230;<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>Name the top 3 peak experiences in your life. What do they have in common? What does this tell you about yourself?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Peak experiences. My happiest moments? Or the moments when I was at the peak of my career? If it is the latter, excuse me while I HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA because, what career? And if its the former&#8230; I don&#8217;t know how to answer this, exactly. But most of my happiest moments have been generically spending time with someone I love (Mark, Tim, Mom, Abbie, Emily, Venna, and so forth) doing something I love (gaming, video games, writing, watching movies). I fail to see a way to monetize this &#8211; though I guess PewDiePie (is that spelled right?) and others found a way.<\/p>\n<li>What did you dream of becoming when you were a kid?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I know I once dreamt of being a veterinarian. And something science-y, like astronaut or medical researcher. Then I realized how much I love writing and I wanted to be a teacher so I&#8217;d have summers off to write. How naive I was about the teaching profession, back then.<\/p>\n<li>What are your strengths and values?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I am punctual. As fuck.<br \/>\n&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I value honesty and transparency. I perform best when expectations are clear and goals are concrete. I don&#8217;t like shifting goals\/expectations in my work life. I will work until my eyes bleed for something, as long as my contributions are valued. When I feel like my hard work doesn&#8217;t matter, I tend to fuck off about it.<br \/>\n&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I avoid drama like the plague and will never be the one on the team starting it or stirring it. I am a good listener and a great problem solver\/research-doer. I am great with words, but not with people (generally speaking). I take responsibility for my actions.<\/p>\n<li>If money weren\u2019t a problem, what would you spend your every day doing?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; All day, every day&#8230; Honestly, I am so lame. But if I could afford to pay my bills, I would game every day. Pathfinder for life. Also, when there was downtime, I would write. And play video games. But write. Write. WRITE.<\/p>\n<li>What would you be doing if you knew you couldn\u2019t fail?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &#8230;parachuting? Base jumping? Something dangerous.<\/p>\n<li>What\u2019s your favorite way to spend your free time?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; With Mark. Whatever we do, but together. Writing. Reading. Movies. Gaming.<\/p>\n<li>What have you done in your life that you are especially proud of?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &#8230;writing novels? <\/p>\n<li>What activity are you doing when it feels like time just flies by?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Writing. Reading. Gaming.<\/p>\n<li>When do you feel the most alive?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &#8230;I&#8217;m just grateful to BE alive, most of the time.<\/p>\n<li>What kind of impact do you want to have?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I want to help break people&#8217;s mindsets in regard to race and gender and sexuality. I want to make one person weep the way I wept when I finished Les Miserables, to touch someone and make them <i>feel<\/i> and maybe inspire them to put their thoughts to paper too.<\/p>\n<li>What kind of professional and personal breakthroughs do you want to experience?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &#8230;just money. I just want money from my professional life so I can finance my fantasy life.<\/p>\n<li>What are things (a language, a sport) you want to learn?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; I want to learn Spanish, Japanese, Korean. I want to learn to knit or crochet.<\/p>\n<li>How do you envision you will leave your goal or legacy on people\u2019s lives?<\/li>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &#8230;I just want people to remember me, at all. That I made them laugh or smile. That I meant something to someone, anywhere.<\/p>\n<li>What are you excited, happy, and enjoying most in your life right now?<br \/>\n&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Gaming. I had so much fun with the 2\/20 session of Mark&#8217;s Worldwound game. It was our fortieth session. FORTY sessions. And it was a 12 hour bonanza. I love it.<br \/>\n&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Otherwise, depressing as it is&#8230; I don&#8217;t know.\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; This cleared up nothing for me and sort of made me depressed, to be honest. I only come up with wanting to write novels and then get frustrated when I realize how rare and difficult it is to make a living doing that (unless you&#8217;re willing to forgo quality\/meaning and jump pump out pornographic dreck&#8230; which if you are, more power to you, but that&#8217;s not what I want).<br \/>\n&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Ugh.<br \/>\n&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; What do I want to be when I grow up?<br \/>\n&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; A simple woman, with a simple life, writing deep epic fantasy fiction&#8230; Is that so much to ask?<br \/>\n&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; &#8230;I also want to be a mom.<br \/>\n&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; Someday.<\/p>\n<p><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/signature.jpg\" alt=\"Signed, Josie\" width=\"92\" height=\"139\" class=\"alignnone size-full wp-image-13\"\/><br \/>\n<i>Note: Image is &#8220;ID#1236275&#8221; by (Benito LaGrande) from SXC.hu<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>&nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; This post may seem as if it is just another meme, but it really is not. About a year ago, I posted on Facebook that I was having an existential crisis (again) as I tried to figure out what I really want to do with my life. &nbsp; &nbsp; &nbsp; As you&hellip; <\/p>\n<p class=\"more-link-p\"><a class=\"more-link\" href=\"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/2016\/02\/placeholder-25-2\/\">Continue reading <span class=\"meta-nav\">&rarr;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":1191,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[16,1],"tags":[238,239,74,236,214,146,237],"class_list":["post-1498","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-life","category-uncategorized","tag-ambitions","tag-career","tag-dreams","tag-future","tag-life","tag-meme","tag-pensive","xfolkentry","clearfix"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1498","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1498"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1498\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1584,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1498\/revisions\/1584"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1191"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1498"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1498"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1498"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}