{"id":742,"date":"2013-12-27T17:57:17","date_gmt":"2013-12-27T22:57:17","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/?p=742"},"modified":"2013-12-22T03:12:12","modified_gmt":"2013-12-22T08:12:12","slug":"inside-the-mind-of-ulrikka","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/2013\/12\/inside-the-mind-of-ulrikka\/","title":{"rendered":"Inside The Mind Of: Ulrikka"},"content":{"rendered":"

      Today\u2019s snippet, titled \u201cInside The Mind Of: Ulrikka\u201d, is a piece I wrote about an NPC in my Pathfinder Campaign (sort of the \u201cKing Maker\u201d adventure path). The intention behind this was to illustrate events occurring in the world, but away from the PCs. They\u2019re supposed to be writing their own pieces about actual in-game events. We shall see if any materialize.
\n      Be forewarned, there are mature themes and naughty language below.
\n– \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 –
\n      \tStiggard slapped Lakota on the shoulder, guffawing.
\n      \t\u201cOch! Ye say nay, lass, but I \u2018erd a yay in there somewhere, dinnae? Dinnae?\u201d
\n      \tLakota Sizko gave him a polite laugh and extracted herself from his overly friendly embrace.
\n      \t\u201cNo. Thank you, no. I must away. Good night, Sir and Madam Ironjaw. And to you, Lady Anson.\u201d
\n      \tWith that, Lakota gathered her arm-basket of medicinal-smelling herbs and departed, bobbing a curtsey at the Lady Lucille on her way out. She was one of a handful of dwarves living in the capital city, Ryvendale, and Ulrikka was absolutely certain that the woman disliked both she and her husband, Stiggard, intensely.
\n      \tWell, to the \u2018Wound wit \u2018er anyway, she thought, reaching for a stack of bills to be posted. We bin doin\u2019 naught but good \u2018ere in the \u2018Dale since months now. She ain\u2019t but wot, helped that young miss get born a pair of hin children after the mum cracked her noggin\u2019 in a fall, and peddled her malodorous brews without prop\u2019r license? Bah! <\/em>
\n      \t\u201cWell, there\u2019s one more officially licensed merchant in the city,\u201d the Lady Lucille said, firmly planting her heavy seal upon the parchment Lakota had just signed. \u201cAh, the sound of a few more coppers in the kettle is lovely, don\u2019t you think?\u201d
\n      \t\u201cAye,\u201d Ulrikka smiled at the Treasurer of Phoenixa, a pretty blonde woman with impeccable taste in clothing, food, wine, and gems – but strange taste in men for she had wedded the puzzling but endearing Warden of Phoenixa, Erin Anson. \u201c\u2018Tis a good feelin\u2019, ma\u2019am.\u201d
\n      \t\u201cYou know,\u201d Lucille whispered conspiratorially, leaning close as she cast a gaze across the office to where Stiggard was polishing his blade. \u201cI imagine I would be a wreck if Erin\u2019s eyes roamed as frequently as Stiggard\u2019s do – and yet, no matter how salaciously he flirts, you are a font of calm and assurance. How do you do it?\u201d
\n      \tUlrikka crinkled her nose and tucked a stray lock of rich, dark hair behind her ear. \u201cTell you true, ma\u2019am, it weren\u2019t always so easy. I feared he would stray, quite often, in the early years, before we were married. But my Stiggy, for all his roamin\u2019 eyes and sugared words, ain\u2019t never touched another woman and ain\u2019t never going to, neither.\u201d
\n      \tThe Lady Anson chuckled. \u201cI see your hand gripping the handle of your weapon, just so, madam. I imagine your Stiggard holds no illusions on that count – you\u2019d give him a good cuffing if he dared, wouldn\u2019t you?\u201d
\n      \t\u201cA cuffin\u2019? Bugger that!\u201d She stopped, cheeks coloring. \u201cOh, pardon my language, my Lady. But sincerely – that fatheaded git knows right well an\u2019 true that I\u2019d do a sight more than box \u2018is ears if he so much as considered an affair. Me mum taught me well and on our very wedding night, I showed him exactly what he had to look forward to, if ever he strayed.\u201d
\n      \t\u201cShowed him?\u201d
\n      \tUlrikka lifted her spike-headed morningstar from her belt and gingerly set the ball into her palm. A wicked smile crossed her lips. \u201cTook a fresh sausage, stuffed to burst with garlic and herbs, and lay it on the table just so. Then boom! I bashed it to smithereens in a single blow. Didn\u2019t sleep for days and walked with a limp for a week – just the image of a woman\u2019s wrath was enough to keep him in step.\u201d
\n      \tLucille laughed, a high, sweet sound that drew the attention of other clerks in the office, as well as Stiggard by the window and Erin, who was just outside, leaning in to talk to his deputy.
\n\u201cOh, my friend, I shall have to remember that, in case the day comes when my Erin\u2019s beautiful eyes glance toward another.\u201d
\n      \t\u201cWager \u2018e\u2019ll shit a brick, ma\u2019am. Right and prop\u2019r one, too.\u201d Ulrikka cleared her throat and wondered briefly if her casual vulgarity was the reason Lakota seemed so annoyed by her. Prob\u2019ly is, she\u2019s such an uppity wench anyway. Bah. Its \u2018er loss anyway, innit? I\u2019m a bloody riot and a loyal friend t\u2019boot. Ain\u2019t even Lady Lucille ever made me feel a bit bad for how I talk, an\u2019 she\u2019s a real city lady at that\u2026 Still\u2026 <\/em>
\n      \tWith a rueful smile, she shrugged at her mistress. \u201cBeggin\u2019 your pardon again, ma\u2019am. Just can\u2019t seem to shake the dung-tongue. Grew up with a might too many brothers, I guess.\u201d
\n      \tLucille just shook her head. \u201cStop apologizing, Ulrikka, else maybe I\u2019ll box your ears. I rather like your blunt tongue – I shall never have to worry that, like some of the other people who sit in council, you\u2019re lying to me. Right?\u201d
\n      \t\u201cOch, no, ma\u2019am. I ne\u2019er would. No indeed.\u201d
\n      \t\u201cGood. Ooh, but you should have seen my Uncle\u2019s face the first time I said the word \u2018fuck\u2019 in his presence! He nearly – how did you put it? Shat a brick?\u201d
\n      \tUlrikka snorted. \u201cJust so. What, had \u2018e ne\u2019er heard such a dirty word from \u2018is little niece? Most of you human folk seem t\u2019be awful bloody amused when children curse like that.\u201d
\n      \t\u201cLittle? Not hardly, my dear, it was just before I married Lord Anson. I was nearly twenty!\u201d
\n      \t\u201cTruly told?\u201d
\n      \t\u201cNevermore so!\u201d
\n      \tLaughing, Ulrikka gathered the documents back into her arms. \u201cOch, ma\u2019am, you were a late bloomer. I was makin\u2019 me siblings blush before I was out of swaddlin\u2019 clothes and me dad was ne\u2019er prouder\u2019n when I told the captain that I weren\u2019t about to take his crap for ev\u2019n another day, so he could shove \u2018is own \u2018ead right up his bunghole and to give his lieutenent a big wet kiss while \u2018e was up there.\u201d
\n      \t\u201cUlrikka!\u201d Lucille gasped, then let loose a sound that was half-shriek, half-peal of laughter.
\n      \t\u201cWhat?\u201d She grinned. \u201cEv\u2019ryone else was thinkin\u2019 it. Only I was brave enough to say it.\u201d<\/p>\n

– \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 \u2013 –
\n\"Signed,
\nNote: Image is “Brain 001” by (Obscenity) from SXC.hu<\/i><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

      Today\u2019s snippet, titled \u201cInside The Mind Of: Ulrikka\u201d, is a piece I wrote about an NPC in my Pathfinder Campaign (sort of the \u201cKing Maker\u201d adventure path). The intention behind this was to illustrate events occurring in the world, but away from the PCs. They\u2019re supposed to be writing their own pieces… <\/p>\n

Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2,"featured_media":740,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[10,14,1],"tags":[4,60],"class_list":["post-742","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-gaming-2","category-snippet","category-uncategorized","tag-gaming","tag-kingmaker","xfolkentry","clearfix"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/742","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=742"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/742\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":746,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/742\/revisions\/746"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/740"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=742"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=742"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/jeezjosie.com\/blog\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=742"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}