I’ve been accused once or twice in the distant past, of being a bad friend.
I always met those comments with skepticism and derision. How could they call me – ME – a bad friend? Did I not sit for hours in the dark with one friend, waiting for her to sneak in to visit an old girlfriend whom she was not allowed to see? Did I not drive back and forth across The Pass a dozen times for visits? Did I not write funny tribute stories about our crazy futures or alterna-verse versions of us?
Really? I mean, I’m a great listener, I cause negative drama, I’m supportive almost to a fault, and I’m an awful gift-giver, but I always remember birthdays and stuff.
…that’s not enough.
And after having issues with no less than three friends in a matter of months, I’m starting to wonder about my own assessment of my friendship quotient.
One friend caught me being non-communicative. I was elusive in my answers and avoided direct contact. Why? Because I was ashamed of my situation; I was so worried about being a disappointment that I ended up going so far beyond that status that I ended up being utterly…twatlike.
Another friend was upset because circumstances spiraled out of my control and I wasn’t able to fulfill a promise. I understand that shit happens, as they say, but I handled the whole thing badly. Yes, I had no real choice in the matter, but communication would have been… well, it could have prevented irreparable damage to a friendship I value more than almost any other relationship I have ever had, ever.
I am officially adding “be a better friend” and “cultivate the relationships I value” to my list of perpetual To Dos. Because I honestly don’t like or care about many people in this world, specifically (though oddly, I really care a lot ‘in general’), so I need to take care of the few that touch me and my life. I need to make sure that my Happy Potato knows that his presence in my world is crucial and vital and damn it – I love him!
Look, I am lazy about some things. Okay, lots of things. And maybe I have not been the best friend ever, or even as good a friend as I thought, but I don’t think I’m a bad friend to have. I deeply and genuinely love the people who love me back and if sometimes I’m a bad gift-giver (its true, I just have this weird disconnect about gifts… can’t give a good one for the life of me) or thoughtless about forgetting to call or idiotic…
It doesn’t mean I meant to hurt you or anything.
Its just Josie, being Josie. For better or worse.
Note: Image is “???” by ??? (I got it years back and SXC is down to check at the mo!) from SXC.hu
P.S. And sometimes, things work both ways. I mean, unless your phone is inbound calls only (is that even possible), you could always pick it up and call me. Right?