So, I am not ashamed to admit it. I have watched “Glee” from day… well, not one, but maybe like, twelve. Almost the very beginning. I had my doubts because that bastard show replaced my beloved “Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles”.
      But from Day Twelve, I was hooked. I felt total empathy for the big, goofy, bad-dancer with a sweet voice, for the hyper-ambitious, crazy-eyed Barbara Streisand 2.0, and for the whole lot of semi-misfits. I loved the songs. I loved the singing. I loved the characters.
      I am not ashamed.
      In July, Cory Monteith died. For those who don’t know, he played Finn Hudson – the aforementioned goofy popular-guy-turned-glee singer. And in the show’s canon, Finn was the Quarterback. He was the glue that held all the weird cliques together. He was the heart of the team.
      When Cory died, so did Finn.
      I DVR’d the good-bye episode last night and watched it during my shift. All I can say about it is – Thank God I didn’t get a call for 45 minutes straight. Because I would have had a helluva time getting my stuff together in time to beat the SLA.
      The songs were lovely. A bunch of fitting choices to honor the character and the actor. And yes, I teared up at the start and they really flowed when Mercedes began singing. The rest of the episode was sweet and I definitely wept a bit. But the thing that just slayed me, the scene that set me off…
      Carole.

“I would always think ‘how do they wake up everyday? How do they breathe?’ But you do wake up. And for just a second, you forget. And then, oh you remember. And it’s like getting that call again and again, every time. You don’t get to stop waking up. You have to keep on being a parent, even though you don’t get to have a child anymore.”
    ~Carole Hudson-Hummel on Glee

      The lady who plays Finn’s mom. She broke down and there was a line about forgetting and then remembering every day, over and over. About how even when a parent loses a child, they still have to live as a parent…
      I couldn’t breathe for a minute.
      And I flashed back to the first few days after my Dad died. When I would sit there and wonder how I was supposed to keep waking up day after day and not have him there anymore… how was life going to go on without his laugh and his scowl and without HIM.
      So when she said that – I felt her pain.
      And I cried. I had to pause the playback to cry.
      I tried to be quiet so that I could not wake Mark.
      …but it makes me absolutely sure that he better never die.
      Also, that I miss my daddy even though its coming up on 17 years… When May 23rd comes around in 2014, that will be the tipping point. He will have been gone longer than he was in my life…
      It doesn’t feel possible.

Note: Image is “Promotional Image for “The Quarterback” Episode” by Fox from SXC.hu