Inevitable

      Warning, emo rant incoming.
      I am making small changes. But it may be too little, too late.
      Sometimes it feels like I’m just killing time until the inevitable. And that’s scary as hell. A heart attack is terrifying. What if I’m in a bad place when it happens? Driving or on a bus or alone with no car and no one to call for help? What if I fall in the shower? What if I don’t have time to call 911? What if its snowy and we can’t get the car out to drive to the hospital? What if what if what if…
      I need to get a full physical so that I can make sure I fix what I can fix and whatever I can’t fix… ugh.
      Maybe I just need to get one of those old person’s wristlets – you know, “I’ve Fallen & I Can’t Get Up” devices.
      Maybe?
      I will miss you, if I drop dead tomorrow.
      I will miss the whole world.
      It can’t be too late to live. It just can’t.

Signed, Josie

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