Still Alive

      I survived.
      So far, any way.
      The other day, after a few weeks of just feeling weird and wrong, with twinges in my chest and constant anxiety over dropping dead… I woke Mark up just as I was getting off work at 7am and had him take me to the hospital.
      No heart attack. Nothing weird going on with my heart beat that they could find. But my blood pressure was sky high (and I have always run pretty consistently at 130 or so over 90) and so they gave me something to bring that down. I stayed overnight for “observation”. Initially, they were going to schedule a stress test and an echo-cardiogram for the next morning, but they decided to let me do it on an out-patient basis.
      Now I have to wait two weeks to find out if there is anything else going on with my heart/arteries/etc. So I’m still stressed out about it. And I’m still sitting here at my computer, freaked the hell out that I will drop dead.
      But at least now I’m taking lots of medications *sighs heavily*
      Taking drugs is one of my least favorite things. I know they’re basically just poison. I know that most of them are okay in the short term, but awful for us in the long run.
      Unfortunately, like so many things in my life, whilst I know what is right/better/good for me, I often don’t do the things that are right/better/good for me.
      Thus, giving up chips three months ago was okay – but I should have done it a decade before that.
      Thus, eating Skittles are bad, but I just can’t say no.
      Thus, eating healthy fats, healthy protein, and healthy carbs (but no processed junk, refined sugars, wheat, grains) is good for me but I still the bad stuff.
      Well, no more.
      I mean, I may have a “few” Skittles from time to time, but not often.
      But other than that, I’m sticking to the things I know are good for me, not just the crap I want.
      Wish me luck.
      After thirty hours in the hospital and some at home, I’m officially down to a weight that I haven’t seen since I lost 60 pounds back in 2005.
      Only 150 to go. HAHA.

Signed, Josie
Note: Image is “Hearts in Love” by (nellart) from

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