There are so many things I want to do in this world.
Yes, the big things, like buy a house and have a baby; raise that child and get another dog. Love my husband until we die, old and content with the life we built. Write novels and publish them. Share my weird and wonderful vision with the world – or at least, someone else. Teach my nieces & nephews to love themselves and to love books and to never stop learning. Speak another language – or two, or three! – fluently enough to speak to someone native to said language.
But also small things. I want to train Venna to heel. I want to plant an herb garden. I want to keep a neat house, instead of one that’s always migrating between ‘almost decent’ to ‘ick’. I want to DM this Pathfinder campaign until the PCs kill the BBEG or all die or hit level 20, or all of the above. I want to hug my mom a million more times. I want to sit on Tim & Jym’s couch and have some horribly decadent grilled cheese sammich and just hang out with my platonic soulmate for hours. We don’t even have to play video games if we can just be together for awhile. I want to grow some food – peppers and tomatoes and squashes.
I want to run a mile without stopping.
I want to finish the sequel to my last novel.
I want to get my passport and go on a cruise or fly to Tokyo or London.
I want to learn to draw and paint – physical art, not digital. Maybe digital, too.
I want to see what my nephew, Malakai, grows up to be. That kid is too much – he’s got some greatness in him, I think.
I want to read the last GRRM novels.
I want to meet Melanie Rawn.
I want to have a whole day go by where I don’t worry that I’m about to die; that my heart is about to fail or organs give out.
I want to wake up beside Mark as many mornings as possible, forever.
I want to write.
I want to live.
So why do I spend so much time doing things that aren’t conducive to health and wellness and life?
This whiny post is brought to you by Emo-Josie ™ and will probably be repeated a hundred thousand times before I quit writing this silly blog. I’ve never thought personal blogs were a good idea and this is why. In a few months, or years, I’ll look back and just want to smack myself. You know what is worse? I think I did write a post like this just a couple weeks ago. Called “Immortal” or something, and using this same lovely blue image because – why not? It’ll help be better identify the self-important stupid posts I wish I had never composed. HAH.
Sometimes, I’m just a time-wasting idiot.
Today, I shall strive to be better.
Tomorrow, I shall strive to write better blogs.
Note: Image is “Blue geometric ornament” by (boroda003) from SXC.hu